I appreciate I haven’t said an awful lot lately. Those that follow me on Twitter may think that I’ve been ok as I’ve deliberately not been putting much about how things are. I try not to be that person who is a) triggering or b) constantly going on about their illness. I’ve been guilty of that in the past and found myself reading some of it back and being angry at myself. I don’t want to be a “victim” nor appear to be, or give people fuel to think I’m vying for attention – that’s something I was once accused of and it cut me to the bone. Indeed my Twitter posts have been mainly about how brilliant Wolves have been doing (I’m SO proud to be a Wolves fan right now) and all the different things I’ve been baking. What a contradiction for someone with an eating disorder right? But it’s a passion. I might not be able to partake, but I still love that creativity and the joy it brings people.
But here’s the truth. I’m gravely ill. I’m at my lowest weight since this eating disorder took hold and things have come to a head. My CPN intervened and now the eating disorders team are back involved. A section order was on the table, and still is. Yesterday I met with the ED team who are very worried about how things are and have sent me for an urgent medical assessment this morning (22nd November). The professionals involved in my care, the ED team, my CPN, my psychologist, psychiatrist and GP, are all meeting on Monday and will make a decision on how to act. This may be a section, it might be a straight referral admission onto an ED unit or they may try and do a community based programme that is far more intense than anything they’ve done in the past. This will all depend on the medical assessment and other factors. I think an admission is the preferred option, hopefully under referral.
I’m not scared, I’m relieved. Quietly I’ve been getting to a place where I knew I was in danger but felt unable to do anything about it nor ask for help. I’m glad my CPN noticed and stepped in. I don’t want to go on about it on Twitter so if I seem “normal” on there just know that I’m shielding the world from the hell I’m dealing with, they don’t need to see it. And hey, I like chatting about how awesome Wolves are. Speaking of which, I’m determined to go one last time on the weekend before I can’t anymore. It’s going to annoy me not being able to go for a while, especially when we’re doing so bloody well. Typical!! Although, if they do go with the community based approach I will still be able to go…long shot but fingers are crossed. AND I’ll be able to go to see Shed Seven (thanks Rick Witter). Anxiety permitting.
Thank you to those who have been so supportive – you know who you are – you have been incredible x